i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
