pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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