You're completely useless in the revolution.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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