sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
