Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
