I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
