I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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