Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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