for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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