The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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