broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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