I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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