you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
