Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
