Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dick very happy bro
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
