i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
