Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize