If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
