If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
