literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
