when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
