I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize