Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize