do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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