Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
