My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
