hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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