Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
