I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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