Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
