as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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