I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
