I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
