Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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