woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
