i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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