I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
