Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
