He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
