Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
