the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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