Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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