Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
