dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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