sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
