The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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