walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
