it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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