Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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