Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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