I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize