She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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