all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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