after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
