Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
