Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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