dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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