Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
