I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
