Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
