so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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