who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
