Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize