Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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