he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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