Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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