I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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