I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
