I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
