I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
