Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
