Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
