i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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