Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
