The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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